When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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