the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
