3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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