Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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