If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
