is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
