sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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