I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Randomize
