I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
