I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I forget how to act sober
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
