I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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