i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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