I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
