can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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