My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
