why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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