Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
