I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i wish my penis had a tongue
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
