my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
