I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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