I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
