I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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