i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
