I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
