I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
