I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We got so high we made milksteak
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
