I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
