hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
