will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
