I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
