It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
