Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
