If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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