I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
there is puke in my bra ... again
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