last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
