I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
