Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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