i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
