Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
