I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
