I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
