I want to make a zoo with you.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
thus making me awesome and them whores
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
