This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
