Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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