Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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