A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
