I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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