i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
