bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
