That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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