i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
