Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
