I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
