I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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