we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
